fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
