I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
