i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
