where am i from again
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
