just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
