I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize