The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
