So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
