normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
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I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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