did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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