im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
