Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
