Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
