South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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