Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
