yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
