Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
