what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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