Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
NoShamevember. You game?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
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