Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
