I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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