Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
