I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I want to fling myself into the sun
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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