I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
a search helicopter?!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
