you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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