I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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