when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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