my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
