the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
