You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
