I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm both gender and math confused
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
