Whod you bang
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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