I'm eating all of the evidence.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
