I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
