No more Irish car bombs ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
