I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize