I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
