Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
