dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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