I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
