yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
