I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
we should paint friendship bongs
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
