i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
