my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
