so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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