I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
