I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
