There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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