Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
