If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize