New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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