Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
