Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
