Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
