I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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