My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
