you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
