this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
