I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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