I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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