Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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