I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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