I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
