if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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