I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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