My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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