I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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