I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
