He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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