we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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