you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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